Thursday, February 5, 2009

25 Things

OK, so I was tagged for this on Facebook and I figured I might as well share it here. 

Enjoy, or not, as the case may be.
  1. I've had bad ankles since birth, bad knees since the age of 12, and glasses since age 9. 
  2. This means that whenever I hear someone complaining about getting older and having bifocals and creaky knees, I want to kick them in the shins, shake my fist at them and tell them I've had bad knees for over 25 years, ya whippersnappers, so quit yer bellyachin'.
  3. I've been laid off 4 times. This makes me an expert, and my expert opinion is that y'all gotta chill. Worrying is not an effective use of your time and will drive you to drink many $12 cocktails, when you could be saving your drinking money in case you get canned.
  4. In junior high, I was crazy about Menudo. I saw them in concert and even went to the Menudo store. I still have an LP, framed photo and Charlie doll packed away around here somewhere. 
  5. I think the Charlie doll may actually be out on the shelves with the other action figures.
  6. So are my Smurfs.
  7. You totally wish you were as cool as me now, don't you?
  8. My Mom made my prom dress because I couldn't find an off the rack strapless gown that would fit over my rack. 
  9. I was actually able to fit into it a few years ago.
  10. And wore it in public.
  11. I love reality shows where the contestants get some well deserved humiliation, often self inflicted. Celebrity Apprentice, anyone?
  12. I own a sewing machine that I don't know how to use.
  13. Because I'm too busy knitting, which you can totally do while watching TV, so stop thinking I have more time on my hands than you do.
  14. I am a Mac person (2nd gen iPod, actually that flat screen monitor IS my iMac computer), but in the Mac vs. PC commercials, I think the Mac guy is too smug and I kinda wanna pop him one.
  15. I am not a morning person. It takes me at least 2 hours to become reasonably coherent. When I was working in an office, it took me that long from alarm clock to walking out the front door. Sleep inertia is as real medical condition that has been written about on the internets. Look it up, people. I used to have to set my alarm for 6 or 6:30 AM to get to the office by 9/9:30. Since I'm a night person, going to bed before 11/11:30 hasn't been an option since grade school. (Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I used to stay up and secretly watch MASH on the TV in my room every school night at 11.) So for me, working typical office hours = sleep deprivation. Now that I'm freelancing, I'm better rested than I've been in decades. It also means that I'm surprised by the arrival of 11 AM every day.
  16. I prefer not to leave the house without breakfast and caffeine in me.  This goes back to when I had to drive to work. No way was I getting behind the wheel of a car sleepy and on an empty stomach.
  17. I've been a nervous driver since getting rear ended on the highway about 10 years ago. I think this is justified, since the accident was 100% not my fault and if it weren't for the passenger safety cage, I'd be dead. Even now, as a passenger, I cringe when the highway traffic slows down because the car behind me might not stop. This isn't much of an issue anymore, since I haven't owned a car in years.
  18. The last time I drove, it was because a friend encouraged me to drive the rental car (we were on a business trip) so that I wouldn't go too long without driving and completely lose my driving mojo.
  19. I have recently switched from tissues to hankies. I still keep tissues around, but my wastepaper baskets no longer floweth over. Seeing my use a hankie sometimes inspires adults to tell me that they produce too much snot to use a hankie. Thanks for telling me about your snot, peeps.
  20. I am exceedingly competitive when it comes to video games. Losing is no fun. Neither is winning once I have the game all figured out.
  21. I used to work for the people that brought you Everquest. 
  22. I have never played Everquest because games where the background shifts as your character moves make me motion sick.
  23. Without my glasses or contacts, I can only see clearly for a few inches. I have actually given thought to whether I'd want my contacts or glasses when the aliens invade and enslave the human race. I decided glasses because I'm supposed to throw my contacts out every 2 weeks and I expect our alien overlords to be around for longer than that and I don't think they'll let me keep my spares handy.
  24. I also really hope I have lip balm handy when the aliens come, too. When people talk about peak oil and running out of petroleum, I worry about life with no more petroleum jelly for my lippy.
  25. I'm so good at being a clutz that I can injure myself doing things that should not possibly be able to cause injury. For example, I once pulled a vertebrae in my neck out of whack by carrying home an overlarge cantaloupe from the Union Square Farmer's market back to my apartment in Greenpoint. When you factor in the 3 chiropractor visits I needed the following week, it was the most expensive cantaloupe ever. 


  1. You kill me, and I needed a good laugh. I hope you don't mind that it was at your expense. At least you were being laughed at by a fellow severely myopic klutz.

  2. I have it on good authority that the first thing the aliens ("I welcome our new alien overlords.") will do is confiscate all the petroleum-based lip balm, so I'm afraid you're out of luck.

  3. OMG, you are freakin' hysterical! I LOVED your list! And yes, I totally DO wish I was as cool as you.

    Thanks for visiting me and leaving a nice comment. You are awesome!


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