Monday, June 1, 2009

Yet Another Open Letter to People Who Need to Fuck Off

Note: This was originally written in January, hence the talk of snow. I guess I saved it, waiting for at least one more person who needed to fuck off, but I guess I've been so busy writing the novel that I haven't noticed anyone who deserved my wrath. Even the lemon reek of doom has dwindled.

Speaking of writing, I've either been not blogging at all, or sitting down to type up what I hand-wrote yesterday and got distracted by an idea for a blog post and then wrote that instead of Chapter 19 and then started looking through drafts of posts instead of getting back to work, so clearly, I need to fuck off. 

So, while I stop goofing off while I'm supposed to be living the dream, please to enjoy:

To People Who Throw Furniture in the Trash

Why? Why would you do that? Why would you take a soul-stirringly awesome mid-century modern space age mod coffee table (and similarly awesome side table) and leave it out in the trash to get ruined by rain or snow? Maybe it doesn't fit your taste, but you could've sold it, or donated it or given it away on Freecycle. Someone would've come to the house to take it away safely.

But, no. Grandma died and you wanted to get the house cleaned out so you could get back to Florida* ASAP. There's a recession on and you threw away something like $500 or more, while and at the same time, displaying your complete lack of taste.

Your actions are criminal, criminal, I tell you! Hmph.

Even with the snow damage, I wanted to take the coffee table home. We would've had to call a cab to transport it, but small price. But HA reminded me that we have no room for it. Though since then, I keep looking around the apartment trying to find something I could've thrown out to make room.

HA had to placate me by agreeing to put a Mod Room in our dream house, complete with Egg Chair for him and a similar coffee table for me.

* My brother once said that there are 2 kinds of native New Yorkers. The ones who were always going to move to Florida long before retirement and the ones who would rather die than move to Florida ever. The same can be said of moving to the suburbs in NJ and Long Island. There's a lot of hubbub about gentrification, "Manhattanites" moving to Brooklyn and Queens and raising the rents, new development and all that. In many cases these "Manhattanites" are from other parts of the country and maybe lived in Manhattan when they first moved here until they were priced out of the area. I figure there's no point in complaining about the newcomers since we need people to replace everyone who was born here, but moved to Florida, New Jersey or Long Island. Also? I used to live in pre-gentrification Williamsburg, Brooklyn. One supermarket in the area had gray lunch meat and moldy cheese. Another had odd-smelling fish and meat sections. I used to say that if gentrification meant getting a decent supermarket, then bring it on.

2 comments:

  1. Well, our weather isn't quite as severe as NY but I can't imagine that a day goes by that I don't pass furniture on the sidewalk with a big "FREE" sign on it. People can be so lame!!!

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  2. I've missed your rants. Thanks for the bone to chew on.

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