Thursday, January 21, 2010

Swimming in the Stream of Consciousness

My thoughts this morning:
  1. What should I do while waiting for the Salvation Army to pick up all that stuff we're donating?
  2. I should call the cable company and get them to pick up the DVRs before we move.
  3. I'll need the account number, probably.
  4. Since we went paperless, I'll have to find an email bill from them.
  5. Go to Gmail.
  6. Search for Time Warner.
  7. Ooh, "Warner" makes me think of Blair Warner. I wonder if it does that for anyone else. I bet I could find episodes of The Facts of Life online.
  8. No, no. Moving in a week. No 80s sitcoms for you. Back to Gmail.
  9. OK, wait. I clicked on the link in the email they sent me and I still need to log in?! I sure hope I have that info around here somewhere. I thought paperless was supposed to be convenient. Fuckers.
  10. OK, the user name and password I have didn't work. Why would I have a user name and password written down if I wasn't registered with the site? They must've redesigned the site, requiring new registration. Fuckers.
  11. OK wait. I need my account info to register even though I entered the email address where they've been sending me stuff. Fuckers.
  12. Good thing they kept sending us paper bills for a while after we went paperless.
  13. Good thing I'm a filing ninja who (eventually) puts all the paid bills in a folder marked "Bills".
  14. Except, apparently, the cable bill, since that's paid automatically.
  15. Oh wait, here it is.
  16. Oh, look, the electric bill. I have to call them too.
  17. Create user name and password that I had written down.
  18. What stupid security questions. Favorite movie? Favorite teacher? I can't possibly be expected to think of these things before noon. Fuckers.
  19. Invalid security answer? What? It looks like they don't believe that Buckethead is my favorite musician. I picked him because I'll remember his name. He's one of my favorites. But what makes Time Warner Cable think they know my favorite musician when I don't? Is even the cable company questioning my taste in music? Fucking music snobs.
  20. Oh wait, I used an ampersand in the title of my favorite book. That's the problem.
  21. And now Safari won't let me log in because the Time Warner website has redirected me too many times. I don't even want to think about the wisdom of that.
  22. Search for the original email again. Try not to think about Blair Warner.
  23. Click on link in the original email.
  24. Logged in automatically this time. God, I hate these people.
  25. Tried the online chat. Am told I need to call. Am not shown the promised survey to comment on the poorly designed online chat (don't need to be asked how I'm doing when I've already typed the question and can't copy and paste it, so must retype). Am filled with hate.
  26. Happily press 1 to continue in English. Think of friends who xenophobically complain about that. It's to keep English speakers from having to listen to all the different language options. No wonder we have such badly designed technology all over the place. People don't recognize good design when they see/hear it.
  27. While on hold, receive an email with the online chat transcript that the email says I requested, but I didn't. Want to hit the analyst who designed that process with a rolled up newspaper.
  28. Where the hell is the Salvation Army? If they stand me up, I'm so screwed. And my screwed, I mean carrying a large dresser through the streets of Queens to the Salvation Army store.
  29. Chat with cable person about my impending loss of BBC America. Can we deal with my account now? Goddamn, people in Wisconsin are chatty.
  30. Whew! I was sure the Salvation Army people were going to show up while I was on the phone.
  31. Of course, they couldn't have someone come pick up the DVRs on the days we needed, so the account will be cancelled when we drop off the equipment, so after all that, NOTHING has changed.
  32. Am afraid to call electric company after all that. Make eye doctor appointment instead.
  33. Decide to chance it. Open Electric bill (also paid automatically, so never opened).
  34. Is that what we've been paying? Damn, that lack of natural light sure takes a toll.
  35. They're here!
  36. Am wearing pajamas since their window of arrival was 8 am - noon and there was no way I was getting showered and dressed by 8. Refuse to care about allowing 3 men I don't know into my apartment while I'm in my jammies.
  37. Regret not wearing a bra, though.
  38. Wow, this place looks empty.
  39. Bravely call electric company.
  40. Automated message tells me to cancel my account online. Resist urge to smack head on desk. Stay online since I'm technically transferring the account and not closing it.
  41. Well, that was surprisingly painless and quick.
  42. Make note to fax marriage certificate to electric company on that magical day when I can be assed to get my name changed on my electric bill.
  43. Hope I get a utility bill at the new apartment soon, so I can get a new library card.
  44. Realize I feel wide awake. Wonder if human contact could manage to get my brain going before lunch on every day.
  45. Think back to when I worked in an office and realize that, no.


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