Monday, February 8, 2010

The Story, Part 1

As the unpacking began, I started writing a blog post in my head (as on does) doing a funny little compare and contrast of the old and new apartments. I had all these cute comments about water pressure and floodlights shining in the bedroom window, but I had no internet access except for my iPhone and the weak wireless connection belonging to a neighbor that we were able to jump on.

So I went about opening boxes with my blog post in my head and then...well, let's go back into the stream of consciousness, shall we?

  1. Oh look, a bug on the bed.
  2. I'm going to kill it.
  3. Sigh. After the roach problem in the last apartment (completely unrelated to our housekeeping and completely related to the construction in the apartment below ours that chased them all up to our place, combined with too infrequent visits from the building's exterminator), I never wanted to see a roach again.
  4. Where'd it go?
  5. Its on the floor now.
  6. Boy, it's moving fast.
  7. (Before we moved into that apartment, I was a strict catch and releaser. But we were on the 7th floor and had roachageddon going on. Towards the end, I had a rolled up magazine called the Bug Smacker (as in Cletis, bring me my bug smacker.)
  8. Hey, that dead bug doesn't look like a roach.
  9. Oh fuck, that is not what I think it is.
  10. To the internet!
  11. Thank all the Gods and Goddesses that we have one neighbor with an unsecure wireless network. I'm so grateful, that I'll stop thinking of them as dumb and start thinking of them as generous. I wish I could send them a thank you note.
  12. OK, assholes, when I google how to identify motherfucking BEDBUGS, show me a picture. This is not the time to be dicking around with me.
  13. Image search.
  14. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I'll leave off the story here for now. I need to approach this in small bits. It was so traumatic that I couldn't even come up with an appropriate Facebook status, even though FB statuses now pop up in my mind unbidden all day long. That, plus I didn't want to admit to being unclean even though I know several people who have had them.

So as not to leave you in suspense, I'll just say that I had a nervous breakdown for a few days, but I'm feeling much better now. Better than I have in ages, in fact. It's like the lack of stress hormones feels better than any infusion of happy hormones.

The story continues soon.


  1. Oh man. I only wish the bedbug trauma on my worst enemies. And maybe not even then. It is a horrible, horrible situation to live through and I am so glad you managed to eradicate them!

  2. I love reading your stories. Wonderful blog!


All the cool kids are commenting. Give it a try, it's fun!