Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Step 1: Goof off online for a bit. This is to distract you from how much your writing sucks, so that you are able to pick up a pen.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
- My Facebook Account is down temporarily, which means that I haven't checked my News Feed this morning and...and...and it's just messing with my mojo, OK? It's totally thrown off my morning routine. Which could make for a good FB status, except that I can't post to Facebook right now.
- This should bother me so much less than it does.
- I got my second round of Botox shots last week. They hurt less than the first time. I'm still waiting to see if they do the trick.
- I've got some sort of autocomplete going on as I'm typing this. I don't know whether to thank/blame Blogger or my shiny new iMac.
- Have you heard about this campaign to use the pre-paid reply envelopes that come with pre-approved credit cards to send messages to banks? It's enough to make me sort through the giant stack of unsorted mail looking for envelopes I can send back.
- Christmas shopping? Seriously? I am so not feeling it yet.
- I may skip making handmade gifts for the eleventy-one kids in my extended family. The migraines have really decreased my knitting output this year.
- Or I may decide to start whipping up cork elves for everyone. After making 150 for my brother's wedding (I have pix of all 150 lined up, but haven't gotten around to posting them a year and a half later), it takes me less than 45 minutes to do each one.
- We'll see.
- I've checked Facebook 10 times since I started writing this. Because I wants it.
- Huzzah! It worked the 11th time. To the Facebook!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
"When I was your grandmother, I told you not to do that."
"There are things in Heaven and Earth that we're not meant to understand."
Monday, September 19, 2011
Father, I am giving you this Blessing, including:
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
- Returning, and I'll definitely be watching the whole season.
- New, and I may stop watching after a few episodes/when it's cancelled after a few episodes.
- New, and maybe I'll make it through the first episode without throwing anything at the television set.
- New, and I hope it doesn't suck, but I'm not holding my breath.
- New, and please don't let it suck.
- New or Returning and I don't care. I don't care how good it is, you can't make me watch another crime drama/police procedural/soap/reality show.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
- do the mending
- start sewing myself a bathrobe (Now that I've learned to sew in a straight line with my sewing machine, I want to move on to clothes. I figure I can wear a bathrobe even if it turns out like ass. Also, the only robes Macy's has in my size are in synthetic fabric, which is exactly what you don't want next to your skin in a steamy bathroom on a humid day. Macy's also has housedresses in my size, of the style my grandma wore. This is just not a look I'm willing to embrace at this point in my life.)
- clean the apartment
- make a loaf of bread with the bread maker
- watch a bunch of TV and movies with His Awesomeness
- Cleaned out the fridge to make room for the pitchers of water.
- Found the jar of clotted cream I bought in June so I could make scones for my birthday. (It's a small jar and I've looked for it without finding it enough times that I thought it was the jar that HA dropped and broke. Now I have no idea what was in the broken jar.)
- Checked the expiration date, which is December, so it's still good.
- Considered making scones
- Realized that I was in too much pain to stand up for that long.
- Continued my campaign to mold the couch cushions to fit my body perfectly.
- Moaned and whimpered a bit to break up the monotony.
- Watched massive amounts of TV and movies, both through Netflix streaming and Tivo.
- Did some reading for my writing group (during the worst of the storm, when my migraine was at a low pain point--go figure)
- Tangled. I dozed through what I think was the comic relief bit in the middle, so I would like to see it again when I'm feeling better. When Zachary Levi and Mandy Moore sang the oscar-nominated song from this movie at the Oscars (You Tube link), their age difference made the whole thing a bit creepy. OK, distractingly creepy. Their animated versions are much more age appropriate, so that was fine, except that I can’t un-see the Oscars performance no matter how much I pop open my skull and rinse my brain out with water.
- Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? Spoiler alert--it doesn't. It was made in 1957 and makes fun of ad men, as well as TV and radio. They actually stop the movie about an hour in so that Tony Randall can come out and explain that they're taking a break for the TV fans who are used to having their stories interrupted for commercials. Then he goes into a radio soap opera-type spiel (Will this happen? Will that happen? Will success spoil Rock Hunter?). Very meta.
- The new episode of Doctor Who. Loved. One of these days, I'm going to watch all the River Song episodes in reverse order to see the story arc from her point of view. (She & The Doctor are both time travelers and they're going in opposite directions. So when they first meet, she knows all about him and each time we see her is actually an earlier point in her life from the last one. Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey. It's actually less confusing than I'm making it sound, because 4-day migraine.)
- Passover Fever, which, well, it's no When Do We Eat? which, by its title alone, is the perfect Passover movie. I enjoyed it, and I'm just glad to have it off my Netflix queue because every time I see the name, I think of this clip from The Soup:
Friday, August 26, 2011
- I was hanging out with some people, went into Staples to get something and then the whole place was full of zombies.
- I was hunting down a serial killer. At one point in the dream, he was sentenced to jail, but not for afternoons, so he was still holding someone prisoner and was feeding them every afternoon. Why no one just followed the guy to his lair so they could free the person, I dunno.
- The Project Runway dream.
- Zombies on pogo sticks.
- Kangaroos on pogo sticks.
- Singing houseplants.
- All my unread books chasing me, calling "Read me! Read me!"
- The one where I become Empress of Canada.
- Poutine, and lots of it.
- The one where I'm on Hair Battle Spectacular and have to design and execute a fantasy hairdo.
- The one where I'm an Angry Bird.
- Angry Birds on pogo sticks.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I've been stumped for a blog post the past few days because the one in my head is about stuff I'm over and I don't want to be too mean or anything. People *can* hear you on the Internets.
It's not that shocking to say that I'm over Kate Plus 8. It's nice to see the older kids a little less unhappy over the little ones grabbing all the parental attention. But I can't manage to care about watching the kids play or go on product placement adventures. Since the show's been cancelled I'm clearly no the only one who's over it.
I hope that I'll manage to stop watching the Duggars when the next season rolls around. I disagree with most of their values (I don't say all just because both I and the Duggars are anti-murder and pro-charity, for example. It's so easy to forget that about people we disagree with)
But I'm feeling a little headdesky over a certain podcast that I've decided not to name, but if you're a knitter, you'll know which one I'm talking about. I've listened to all 100 episodes so far even though I came in after she'd been doing it for a year or so and I still let them pile up like the rest of my podcasts. Regular listeners know that our podcaster has been trying to make a living from the podcast for years. She certainly has a large enough audience to make it theoretically possible. She tried corporate sponsors, took donations and even did a public tv style drive where she said that if people donated x amount of money then she'd be able to podcast monthly or maybe it was even more frequently. The thinking was that if she didn't have to spend time on other paying gigs she'd be able to devote more time to the podcast. Almost immediately after making this pact with her listeners, she stopped podcasting for a chunk of time because life just got in the way (as it does) and probably also because she's an admitted perfectionist which kept her from starting any podcasts before she was 6000% ready.
She's that self sabotaging friend you want to shake some sense into but it never works.
My headdesky moment came in her second to last podcast where she announced that she's finally realized that she can't make a living at podcasting so she's dropping the advertising and removing the donate button from her site. Because if she can't make a living at it she won't accept any money for it at all. Because of the perfectionist thing I imagine. If she can’t make tens of thousands of dollars at it, she won't take any money, even though doing the podcast costs her money (travel to interview people, visit notable locations, etc.).
I haven't cancelled my iTunes subscription yet, though I would t be the first listener I know that she's lost. Because that self sabotaging friend who never learns? Is still a friend. Which I supposed our podcaster would consider success. She started the podcast to reach out to other knitters and as much as she drives me crazy, I'm not sure I've completely had it with her yet.
But the only way to keep up that friendship is to vent to someone. When will she ever learn? Why does she keep doing this to herself? Because otherwise you can't keep watching them shoot themselves in the foot.
Yet, I have ended real life friendships for similar reasons. One time in particular, I remember thinking "I can't keep having a front row seat to this relationship". The couple is married now and although he treats her much better than her 1st husband, I have no doubt that he's still rude to her and selfish and I'm relieved not to have to witness that.
I know you've all had friends like that, so feel free to vent/dish in the comments.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
I finally got my migraine Botox shots yesterday. And well, that hurt more than expected. I always tell doctors that I have a high pain threshold since I'm a migraine sufferer, but wow a big needle in the forehead hurts. I thought I'd be getting them at the hinge of my jaw (at the base of the trigeminal nerve which has tentacles spreading across the face to everywhere migraines hurt), but no. Forehead, and several spots on my head. 4 syringes-worth of Botox coursing through my melon. One on my forehead bled, and still hurt hours later. I got a little woozy which I treated with a Ginger ale and grilled cheese at a nearby diner, plus another ginger ale and a nap at home. Highly recommended for whatever ails you. (Heh, at first I typed "whatever ales you". At least the Botox hasn't paralyzed my rapier wit.)
The effects don't start for a week, so I still have a few days to wrinkle my brow at HA. We've been saying that I should take a bunch of pix of me making different faces so I can just hold up the applicable picture if I'm no longer able to make cranky faces at him. The doc says I just won't be able raise my eyebrows as much, so no more Spock eyebrow raises for me.And here's the other thing I forgot to mention on Wednesday. On my way home on Tuesday, the subway lines I needed to take were so messed up, that I finally gave up and went shopping until things cleared up. My purchases?
- A soldering iron & solder
- Purple nail polish
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
If you haven't seen this segment from Monday night's Daily Show, do yourself a favor and watch it. I already knew about the news story, but it's so hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing.
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c|
Monday, August 8, 2011
- Revising my novel
- Having anxiety attacks related to revising my novel. I suspect part of the problem is that in my current office I have no room for the sign that says "You do not suck. Now shut up and go back to work." When we rearrange the desks later this year, I'll fix that.
- Listening to His Awesomeness telling me that I don't suck, but what the hell does he know?
- Actually, he's pretty talented himself, so I guess he does know, but still.
- Discovering how bad it smells when you leave the compost container on the counter during the hot summer months.
- Washing my hands 3 times after washing the compost container and still not removing all the stink.
- Recommitting to not volunteering for the community compost group because those bins must be introducing new smells every moment.
- Trying to keep up with our CSA half share. At least the Kale onslaught seems to be over. Do you know what Kale Chips smell like? They smell like green. Aggressively so. Do you know what they taste like? They taste like green.
- Discovering that I can stand eggplant if I slice it so thin (<1/4 inch) before breading and frying that it's more breading than eggplant.
- Admitting that making eggplant parmesan would be less exhausting if I sliced it more thickly so there'd be less pieces to fry.
- Rejoicing that this year's giant cabbage was actually smaller than my head this time.
- Watching The Dick van Dyke show on Netflix Streaming. That sure is one catchy theme song.
- Enduring His Awesomeness' suggestions that we throw a Dick van Dyke Show style party, where everyone gets up and performs.
- Knowing that if we did that, our friends would either be afraid to perform, or come up with something mildly disturbing and/or dull as all get out.
- Looking forward to getting Botox shots for my migraines because I have had it with these motherfucking migraines in my motherfucking head. 70 out of 90 days with a migraine is too many. (And yes, I know about the giving up gluten thing. I may try it if the Botox doesn't work, or when the first shots wear off. But doing it at the same time won't tell me which thing is making me feel better.)
- Reading a book about treating migraines, which took months since it hurts to read when I have a migraine, and the whole 70/90 thing.
- Playing games on Facebook.
- Ignoring my invites to Google+ because I just can't be bothered.
- Realizing this damages my techie cred.
- Not caring.
- Playing Angry Birds.
- Watching Angry Birds tutorials on You Tube when I've failed a level 30+ times.
- Buying a carnivorous plant to deal with the housefly situation. (That's not mine in the picture up top, but it's the same kind.)
- Naming it Audrey 3 because sometimes you can't fight the obvious.
- Peeking at it to see if it's doing anything.
- Realizing that it doesn't work that way.
- Peeking again.
- And again.
- Imagining the plant saying "Mo-om, she's looking at me!"
- Realizing that it doesn't work that way, either.
- Leaving it alone anyway.
- Listening to the Travel with Rick Steves podcasts I downloaded 3 years ago when the economy turned bad and I thought I'd do some vicarious traveling, then realized that I couldn't keep up with one more weekly podcast and unsubscribed, but kept the ones I already had because they sounded interesting.
- Being astounded that Rick Steves had to be told by his guest that you don't call French waiters "garcon".
- I mean, honestly.
- Rediscovering the joy of wearing nail polish.
- Staring at my fingernails, because silver shatter is hypnotic. It's like crackle paint, which I've seen plenty of times, yet I can't look away.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
- Artichokes--feh, well OK, I can deal.
- Bacon and hot dogs--I've been rocking the nitrate-free kind for a while, so OK.
- Black walnut--the fuck? I have to pay attention to walnut varieties now?
- Buttermilk--sigh. Anyone know of a reasonable substitute for marinating fried chicken?
- Cashews, Pecans, pistachios, Peanuts and Peanut butter--I already knew about the cashews. Pass the almond butter.
- Chestnuts--finally, one I don't care about!
- Cod fish, red snapper, salmon, scallops, sole--Salmon? Seriously? Oh fer fuck's sake.
- Coffee--oh, go fuck yourselves migraines. I've already switched to all tea this week, but this so blows.
- Dried fruits--because heaven for-fucking-fend I should have a healthy snack.
- Endive, fava beans, feta, figs, swiss cheese--fine, whatevs.
- Grapefruit--Son of a Bitch!!!!!!
- Green olive--seriously?
- Hazelnut--harumph--looks like someone's husband gets to eat all the Nutella.
- Honeydew melon--oh, fine.
- Hops and Juniper berries--No beer or gin?! GIN?! I mean, I've stopped drinking because of the migraines anyway, but I've been dreaming of a gin an pomegranate juice. Pass the vodka.
- Horseradish--which I actually really like, so--GAH!
- Lemon--I already knew about this one too. This summer will be all limeade, all the time.
- Lentils--By Shatner's toupee, what I am supposed to eat?
- Miso, Soy sauce and teriyaki sauce--again, suggested substitutes for soy sauce would be awesome.
- Snow peas--the hell?
- Sour cream--OK, that's it. There is a line and I am drawing it. Sometimes a gal just needs some onion dip. I may attempt a cream creese/mayo substitute, but my hopes, they are not high.
- White grape--which, what? Does that include green grapes which can grow up to be white wine? Has anyone ever seen a white grape in the supermarket?
- Yogurt--again with the you have to be fucking kidding me. Yogurt? That stuff I'm supposed to eat everyday and do? Fine. I can only stand greek yogurt and that shizz ain't cheap, so fine.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I'm still not sure if this is because I suck, or because he was totally asking for it by leaping into action like that.
I also keep getting the Robin Hood song stuck in my head, so clearly karma things I'm the jerk in this situation.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
- I had a dream the other night that was my typical trying to get something accomplished and not managing dream. This time it was a quest to find some cake icing. (I have no idea. Just go with it.) At the end of the dream, the shopping complex I was in was invaded by commandos. And now I want to end every anecdote with "And then there were commandos."
- I seem to be feeling better, partly due to the mild exercise I've been getting with Wii Fit. Which kinda pisses me off since the idiot thing has told me twice to take it easy on holiday treats. In January. This is annoying on so many levels that I don't know how I'm going to stick to my resolution to stop ranting at the damn thing.
- Or is it referring to all those MLK Jr. birthday cakes you see everywhere this time of year?
- I wonder what it's going to say about my President's Day cherry pie.
- I totally stink at the ping pong game on Wii Sports Resort. I've lost against the least capable computer-generated opponent. The one that you're supposed to be able to beat easily. Multiple times. I've realized that if I'm going to get better at this game, I'm going to have to care about ping pong for the length of a 6 point game instead of zoning out about 1/3 of the way through. I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge.
- After a year in this neighborhood, I've discovered a place to buy Kerrygold Irish butter, and I am exceedingly happy about this. I started using it years ago when Cooking Light magazine recommended it because when you use only a small amount of butter, using the best butter makes up for it. And damn, this stuff is good. It has something to do with the grass the cows eat. Regular butter seems like a waste of food in comparison.
- Eating butter from across the Atlantic isn't locavore/good for the environment/whatevs, but eating whatever veggies my CSA farmer comes up with for 20 weeks of the year probably makes up for that.
- Besides, I'm so smug from not owning a car that I need to be taken down a peg anyway.
- And then there were commandos.
Friday, January 7, 2011
- Months after seeing Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, I still think that Marquis de Carabas is the best name ever.
- Having a migraine (as I do right now) makes me cranky. Today it makes me want to stab the patriarchy with a mechanical pencil. This has been brought on by an article in the NY Times about how men are turned off by women crying. I refuse to read the article, so the study may not actual prove that, but just once I'd like to have something like this spun from the perspective that women are the ones whose opinion matters. As in "women are turned off by men reacting badly to their crying".
- Could we just stop worrying about attracting members of the opposite sex so much and just enjoy life for five fucking minutes?
- I'd also like to stab the next advertiser that pushes the whole "all women are insane in the face of chocolate" thing. Besides the obvious reasons, I prefer vanilla. Or a nice pie.
- For some reason I can't find Hostess Fruit Pies anywhere in NYC anymore. Not that I've been looking that hard. They contain as much fat as a Big Mac and don't taste as good a real pie anyway. But when I found some in the drug store in Missouri, I bought them all up. Because it's been a long time, my friend.
- After revisiting the Midwest, I can report that not everything in restaurants is slathered in cheese, covered in bacon and deep fried, but a significant number of things are.