Wednesday, December 7, 2011

How To Write a Novel

Silver Spoon
Step 1: Goof off online for a bit. This is to distract you from how much your writing sucks, so that you are able to pick up a pen.

Step 2: Clear desk in preparation for typing in the handwritten stuff from the last writing session. (I can type faster than I can think, but handwrite & think at the same pace, so I write my fiction by hand.)

Step 3: While moving breakfast dishes from desk, drop spoon on the floor.

Step 4: Listen to spoon slide under desk.

Step 5: Feel under desk with foot for spoon. Fail.

Step 6. Decide to leave spoon there until it's time to move the desk.

Step 7: Realize that the soon is from this morning's cottage cheese and said acquaintance with dairy will give rise to a mighty stank if left in place.

Step 8: Reach under desk with the business end of a swifter broom.

Step 9: Retrieve an Advil liquigel, emery board, one cheerio and an unhealthy amount of dust. (When you're done judging me, go check under your desk. I'll wait. Yeah, that's what I thought.)

Step 10: Realize that the swiffer has pushed the spoon against the wall behind the desk.

Step 11: Make 5-10 failed attempts to retrieve the spoon with the business end of the swiffer, while composing a blog post about the escapade in your head.

Step 12: Retrieve the spoon with the handle end of the swiffer.

Step 13: Feel unjustifiably clever while tossing spoon into the kitchen sink.

Step 14: Write blog post, calling it "a writing warm up".

Step 15. Fix all the autocorrects of "swiffer".

Step 16: Post blog post and make a nice cup of tea.

Step 17: Type up that stuff from the other day. No, really.

1 comment:

All the cool kids are commenting. Give it a try, it's fun!