Friday, January 20, 2012

Open Letter to People Who Suck, Memory Lane Edition

My upstairs neighbor seems to have taken up an exercise regime that involves moving a large piece of furniture back and forth every night around 10:30. Which has put me in mind of past loud neighbors.

Dear guy who lived upstairs from me and welcomed me to the building by saying that you and you brother/roommate were pretty quiet,

This was a true statement. Until you started a band that rehearsed in the bedroom above mine. Where my computer was located. You weren't very good, even with the midnight practice sessions with your amp turned up to 11. Imagine my shock when I went up to tell you to turn it the fuck down and discovered that your brother and his girlfriend were watching TV loudly so they could hear it over your excessively amplified guitar. Truly, this must have been the first instance in history where one brother didn't tell the other to hold it the fuck down.

And BTW, real bands don't practice in bedrooms. When I had a pro drummer as a rommie, her drum set never even entered the apartment. Because she didn't suck.

And while I'm at it...

Dear woman across the hall from me in that same building,

Way to get laid at 5 AM after being out all night. But did you really think that blasting Barry White music would keep your roommates from knowing about it? I mean, the music was so loud that you couldn't hear me pounding on the door and I had to go downstairs and press your apartment's buzzer all to tell you to turn it the fuck down. And that time I didn't complain, and your date left and you changed the music to Katrina and the Waves "Walking on Sunshine" and sang along? Appropriate music selection, I admit, but does everyone in the building have to wake up to celebrate that had sex?

Seriously, you're a Kindergarten teacher. Is going out for a post-coital jog after not sleeping all night going to assist you in surviving 30 5 year olds all day? Couldn't you have gotten some somethin'-somethin' at 1 AM, so you could catch some sleep after? I know I would've appreciated that schedule and I only had to sit at a desk all day.

Day-m, I'm starting to appreciate my current upstairs neighbor now. OK, who's got an annoying neighbor story to share?

1 comment:

  1. Im up late reading your blog because my stripper neighbor is freelancing tonight. So to speak.

    ReplyDelete

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