Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Have a Superpower!

Teeth!The latest stop on my quest to get my migraines to fuck off already was a TMJ specialist. The TM joint (which I can't be bothered to spell out) is the hinge of the jaw. Thereabouts.

I clench my tech. This is no surprise. I started doing biofeedback which helped me stop clenching, which oddly made my jaw sore.

Well, ya know how your muscles ache AFTER a workout? This must be like that because I have freakishly overdeveloped jaw muscles. I can exert something like 250 pounds of force with my jaw. Which means that if I bit you, it would't hurt as much as if Superman bit you, but more than if Batman bit you because he doesn't have any actual superpowers. Unlike me.

The doctor said I have the strongest jaw he's ever seen and he's, like, THE guy for this sort of thing, so I'm feeling pretty damn special.

I have extra bone structure under my gums to support all that clenching. They call them buttresses. My mouth is a cathedral of chomping.

I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to use my powers for good or evil. Suggestions for my new superhero/supervillain name are welcome.

There's a plan of treatment and reason for hope. But I keep thinking about how this is the result of my response to years of stress. I kinda want to track down everyone who's ever pissed me off in a situation where I had to take it and then bite them.

Chomp. Chomp.


  1. I'm in Anatomy class and we just studied joints. It's the Temporomandibular Joint. I'll see if the fact that my sister-in-law has super-TM-powers means that I can get a little extra credit for the course. Would you mind coming to Show 'N Tell? :)

  2. This is great. Really funny! Btw, for one of my daughter's school essay topics was "If you could have a superpower, what would it be and why?" We never thought about Superbite, though.

  3. How do you test the strength of your jaws? Do you have to bite the doctor?

  4. Sam, you get extra credit just for being able to spell it correctly.

    Susan, I once had a conversation with some friends about what superpower we'd want and the best answer was "montage", as in the ability to get things done quickly, like when the TV show or movie shows a montage of things getting done.

    Cheryl, He put something between y teeth and told me to bite down. I'd really like to bite the neurologist who dissuaded me from investigating this angle two freaking years ago.

  5. How about Masticator? That sounds awesome!


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