Monday, March 26, 2012

Open Letter to the People in the Atrium

#nyc2600 meeting part oneWe have this awesome rule in NYC that requires certain buildings to have public areas. This is very convenient if you need to find a restroom, or someplace to sit for a few minutes before a meeting or job interview. It's awesome if you're homeless because if you're not disruptive, you can hang out someplace safe, warm and dry all day.

But if you're looking for a place to get some work done, say after leaving the office and before yoga, or between a doctor's appointment and meeting friends for dinner, the experience can be mixed.

To the guy to kept trying to talk to me while I was working on my novel WHILE WEARING HEADPHONES:
Dude, I have no interest in talking to you. I'm not here for you to hit on. I know you think that's what all women are for, but you're mistaken. Fuck off.

To the group of people sitting behind me as I try to work on my netbook:
Hold it the fuck down. You are clearly in your 40s. Why are you louder than the high school kids that come here after school? Thanks for yelling to your friends as they walk down the stairs 30 feet away like you're in a high school cafeteria. Thanks for making me have to move and lose my free wifi connection and have to reboot. Thanks for making me overhear conversation that was less intelligent that that of the high school kids that come in here. 

To the smelly guy wandering around talking to himself:
Thanks for sitting down at a table near me. It's been ages since I've had to put Tiger Balm under my nose to mask a stank. I know Grand Central has bathroom attendants making sure people don't bathe themselves in the sink, but they don't have them here. I won't tell. With the new superfast handdryers, you'll be clean and dry in no time.

To the high school kids who come and hang out here after school:
I don't know what school you're coming here from, but you're all so considerate and polite, I wish I could write to you principal and parents and let them know how awesome you are. You do not suck at all, giving me hope for humanity. Now, if you could only give some lessons to the adults to the next table on how to behave in public.

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