Friday, April 5, 2013


Photo credit: artethgray
The way His Awesomeness and I became a couple went like this: we'd been friends for a while (after a first date that went less than well) and I invited him to spend Thanksgiving with my family. He declined because he had a policy of never going to stuff like that without being engaged. Because one of his cousins' ex-boyfriends kept cropping up in old pictures and it was awkward.

I said something like "Engaged? This is so sudden," and mentioned that we had been doing a lot of date-like things lately and maybe we should discuss that. 

It really is a lot easier to become entangled in someone's life than it is to become disentangled. 

Every year on our anniversary, HA and I watch our wedding video. And every year, I yell at the TV whenever my cousin's ex-boyfriend appears onscreen. Because he hurt her and should die a messy Game of Thrones-style death.

There's been at least one more split among our wedding guests, and I've added more jeers at the TV as appropriate. As the years pass, how many more people will I boo and hiss at on my anniversary? I may never see these people again, but there they are, on my wedding video, and in the pictures. I don't mind that they're there, since for me, hating people who have hurt people I love just deepens the love. 

Removing The Kid from our life seems to be a never-ending process, even six months down the road. Just when I think I've found every last trace of her in the apartment, the new bus company tries to drop her off (even though she's not on the bus and doesn't go to that school anymore). We got calls reminding us of doctor appointments for months - even ones I hadn't scheduled - but my number was still on file. 

We got her a subscription to a quarterly anime magazine, and HA called them to update her address after she left. Guess what just arrived in the mail?

In the same batch of mail, I got a beautiful thank you card for another cousin's wedding. We attended the weekend The Kid came to live with us. It was her first time meeting a lot of the extended family. The card includes lots of gorgeous photos from the day, including a shot of all the guests. With The Kid in the front row. Forever marring my cousin's wedding pictures.

I'm sure the newlyweds don't view it that way. They don't have any bad memories associated with The Kid and there are dozens of other people in that shot. But my eyes went straight to her. When I tried to find myself in the picture, I couldn't at first. The Kid has almost entirely blocked me from view. She's practically obliterated me. Which is pretty symbolic.

I'm coming back to myself, and I know these painful reminders will stop popping up eventually. There will come a time when I can look at animal print and not think about The Kid. And I don't even feel bad about that. I just wish I knew when I'll finally be untangled. 

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