Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Fetishes That Probably Are Not

Over on KPQuePasa.com, KP (who is a dog trainer) has a very funny story up about her neighbor's dog. In case you don't feel like going over there before continuing here, the dog pees on her and she yells at her neighbor (who does not know that she's a dog trainer):

"I'm not working today.  I should NOT be getting peed on!"

Which of course had my filthy mind going places, including fetish films involving people getting peed on by pets. And if that's a thing, do NOT tell me because I have enough problems and don't need to know that about he world in general or about you in particular.

And now I'm thinking of other things that could not possibly be fetishes, but would be hilarious if they were. Such as:

  • Early cell phones. "Ooh, baby, watch me talk into this big gray brick with an antenna."
  • Spinning (spinning yarn on a wheel or the exercise bike in the gym thing)
  • Hand knit socks - as an extension of foot fetishes, I mean. Once you start wearing hand knit socks, you see no reason to go back to store-bought, and that;s not really kinky. Unless you knit dirty pictures into the pattern, which...I'm not even going to check. I know it CAN be done, so it probably HAS been done.
  • Running with scissors
  • Eyebrow threading
  • Gargling
  • Wearing old Kleenex boxes on your feet a la Howard Hughes.
  • Rearranging furniture (Oh, Jeebus, now I'm imagining Joe Manginiello in a tank top moving my couch and there is no way that's not sexy.) Oh dear, where was I?
  • Cleaning out the closets ("Put that in the donate pile, baby.")
  • Hand puppets. OK, that probably is a thing. Not thinking about it.
  • Antique clocks ("Ooh, it's about to strike the hour!")
OK, your turn. I know you can add to the list.

2 comments:

  1. You don't want me to play. I know you think you do, but no. hahaha <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. I so love that I inspired this. Thank you!

    And since you started with the spinning comment, I can't help but reference the other type of spinning: pottery spinning. Because everyone always thinks of that scene from Ghost where they're all schmexy and spinning a pot together and it's all steamy, but all I can think of is "Ohhhh girl, you're gonna get clay all up in bits and pieces where YOU DON'T WANT IT."

    ReplyDelete

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