Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Biofeedback Training Program
Photo credit: Army Medicine
I've been doing biofeedback therapy? training? whatever to reduce my stress and therefore my migraines. There are these different video games that allegedly teach you different things, but the sensors on your fingers all measure the same thing. I totally kick ass at the one that comes right out and tells you to relax your whole body. Nice and straightforward, that one.

But the one that's about gratitude? I totally suck at it. Probably because I'm WTFing while doing my deep breathing and trying to relax. 

Gratitude. It seems like such an Oprah thing. Mind you, I subscribe to the Oprah magazine, but the whole gratitude journal thing just irks me. I dunno, maybe it's because I don't really have my health--the one thing everyone is supposed to be grateful for. Or maybe it's that I don't know who I'm supposed to be grateful to. I don't believe God micromanages the universe. As far as I'm concerned, He and/or She doesn't get blamed for the bad things that happen, so He and/or She doesn't get the credit for the good things. Two sides of the coin that keeps me sane. God allows bad stuff to happen because God isn't paying that much attention. Plus, you know, free will.

Stuff just happens. We can create meaning from it, but hurricanes don't happen because people disagree with Pat Robertson. Or whatever.

But of course, the whole gratitude thing can help improve my health in a great big touchy, feely way. The problem, of course, if that my superpower is sarcasm and I can't just turn that off. So instead of listing things that I'm grateful for, or things that make me happy, I give you:

A List of Things That Do Not Suck

  • You, individually and collectively. Without you, I'd be talking to myself, which would be downright embarrassing.
  • Netflix Instant. The fact that I can watch Buffy whenever I want without having to get up, walk 3 steps, get a DVD out of the case, put it in the DVD player and then walk all the way back to the couch? This is a thing that does not suck.
  • Google+. Who knew?
  • Limeade. 
  • Songs From Dawson's Creek. I actually never watched the show, but I was issued the CD when I started working at Sony in 1999. And fuck all y'all, it's a really good album.
  • Air conditioning.
  • Guacamole
  • Online banking. Because having to go all the way to the bank when it's open is just not something people in a civilized society should have to do. And remembering that a bill is due when you still have time to write and mail a check is for people who are far more organized than I.
  • Lists that only have to be as long as I want them to be.
What are some things that you think don't suck?


  1. Chocolate - chocolate does not suck
    Wine - wine does not suck (as long as I'm not pre-migranous)
    my husband - 99.9% of the time my husband does not suck (and the 0.1% of the time that he does suck it's very minor suckage)

  2. Stopping by via the NE Bloggers' Weekend Wander. This post made me laugh out loud...what a great approach. There are many things that don't suck...and you nailed many of them. Thanks for a great post. :-)



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