Monday, August 12, 2013

Friends - Something Else I Fail At

f is for friends
Photo credit: _Libby_
Today's prompt is: What 5 words would your best friend use to describe you?

Contrary Jen wants to take a stab at this one. Because who says I have to have a best friend? Why do I have to elevate one friend above all others?

When I was a kid, I didn't have a best friend, but I longed for one. The last year I went to Montessouri, I was in a class of 5 and there was only one other girl. We hung out together because who else was there? Then when I switched to catholic school, I dreamed of finding a best friend. But by 5th grade, everyone else already has a best friend.

I ended up in a group of 4 best friends, but we avoided the drama of pairing off. In Language Arts, when we were asked to write an essay about our best friend, I wrote about my computer lab partner because the teacher said that we just had to pick someone instead of spending the whole period agonizing over who to pick.

My high school was 3 bus rides from home, so I had friends, but we didn't hang out constantly. 

For so long, I felt inadequate for not having a best friend. Then Friends came on TV, and I felt bad for not having an urban tribe. Every time a movie comes out celebrating female friendship, I'm left wondering if I'm missing out by not having a best girlfriend. 

My wedding party consisted of my brother and one of my cousins. I'd promised that cousin years earlier that she could be in my bridal party and we were always close. My brother was my gentleman of honor because I couldn't imagine subjecting any of my female friends to the hair/makeup/fancy dress/pictures. I didn't know anyone who would see it as an honor rather than a hassle and I love them for that. And why should I rank some friends higher than others?

So does that mean my husband is my best friend? And is that bad in a putting all your eggs in one basket way?

If I pick 5 words he'd use to describe me, I suspect it would reveal more about how we make our relationship work than anything about me. And I do know what he likes about me because I am needy as all get out and started making him tell me why he likes me while we were dating.

  1. Cute. 
  2. Smart. 
  3. Funny. 
  4. Good Cook. 
  5. Willing to have sex with him.
Yes I know these aren't all one word answers, but that's the nonconformist in me.
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  1. I'm going through this lately too. My therapist suggested I join a 12 step group to have more in people connections and a real support group. I realized that in ten years living in NY I have few "real life" friends and no best friend. I've rarely had a best friend. Your post makes me feel a bit better about this. Maybe its not so unusual to not have a large group of friends. I think Sex and the City warps us that we need this core group of NYC friends.

    1. That is the biggest lie of Sex and the City--that they'd have time to get together every single week for brunch. Miranda worked 100 hours a week, yet always had time for a social life.

      Friends was equally guilty. Monica was a chef, yet didn't work nights. Joey was an actor who was never busy at rehearsals in the evening. Ross, Chandler or Rachel never had to work late at the office because of a big project.

  2. I had three friends growing up and three is just a terrible number. Two were always pairing off and leaving people out. My husband is my best friend and I make him tell me all the time what he likes about me. I think I do that mainly to remind he that does still like me even though he stepped on the very pointy heel of my stiletto. Again.


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