Monday, September 9, 2013

The Horror of the Baby Shower

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a baby shower for my cousin. Now, I'm pleased that my family is expanding, but the baby shower is an especially horrifying ritual. 

Exhibit one is the diaper cake.

Let me repeat that. The diaper cake. I don't remember when this became a thing, and I'm not even going to try to figure out WHY it's a thing. But it's a thing. You gotta have a diaper cake. Or in this case, three diaper cakes because one of the grandmas-to-be wanted to learn how to make them, so they both moseyed on over to my mom's house (because she's the one who knows how to make these things--yes, the same mom who went to Burning Man) and they each made one.

They are constructed out of unused diapers, ribbon and baby paraphernalia. Because.

My mother got the project out of a magazine in the I want to say 90s, but maybe it was the 80s. I'm fairly certain that Martha Stewart had nothing to do with this. And now this is one of those things that thou shalt have at thy baby shower.

And really, I just hate anything mandatory on principle. Like the drill team songs where everyone has to go through certain mandated motions instead of just dancing. 

But diaper cakes are just disturbing.


And you know what else is freaky as all get out?

The blanket babies.


  

Tell me those don't look like something that will come after you in your nightmares. You can't. They are, of course, dolls fashioned out of blankets.

Because having to listen to everyone's childbirth horror stories isn't terrifying enough.

This time, I avoided that pleasant little ritual, but one time in my teen years...well, let me back up and explain that my Aunt Bea is a nurse and my mom was an EMT, so they were both qualified to deliver babies. So one time at a baby shower in my teen years, my Aunt Bea turned to be, pointed to my mom and herself and said merrily, "We want to deliver yours."

Not big on boundaries, my family.

What are your baby shower horror stories?

8 comments:

  1. I am interested in no cake I can't eat.

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  2. My inlaws gifted me with a diaper cake. So that was... something. But those blanket babies? I can't unsee that.

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  3. worst thing ever is that game where they melt a candy bar into a diaper and then you have to guess what it was originally by sniffing and poking at it.... waste of chocolate!

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    1. OMG, I was totally going to mention that game, but it's just so gross! That game is so many kinds of wrong.

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    2. Also bad is the one where you have to taste the baby food and guess what it is without the labels!

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  4. I have never seen the blanket babies before. My eyes! My eyes! Scary stuff.

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  5. aahhhhh yes the infamous diaper cake. Actually my friend made me a diaper motorcycle with a stuffed animal rider so that was pretty cool actually! That blanket baby thing is quite creepy though.

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  6. I have never seen the blanket babies before! Those are seriously creepy.
    Stopping by from the Weekend Wander
    --Michelle @ The MaMade Diaries

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