Friday, May 9, 2014

Fuck Mother's Day

Can't we, as a society just agree that Mother's Day is a stupid fucking holiday that makes more people miserable than not?

Here's a short list of people who have a hard time on Mother's Day:

  • Bereaved Mothers
  • The Infertile
  • People who had difficult relationships with their moms at best.
  • People who had great relationships with their moms who has since passed away
  • Moms with small kids who have to spend the day visiting their mom and mom-in-law instead of having a day all about them even though raising small kids sucks. (As Stephanie Pearl-McPhee says in her latest book, the way most toddlers treat their moms violates the Geneva Convention.)
  • People waiting for a table so they can get Mother's Day brunch over with.
  • People who can't get the day off to spend time with their kids or moms because everyone in the fucking country has to take their mom to brunch on that one day.
  • Women who have no desire to be a mother, and have to put up with the assumption that all women are supposed to be mothers 365 days a year.
  • Mothers who would like to be treated nicely the rest of the year too.
  • Mothers who have to clean up after their husband's and children's lame ass attempt to make them breakfast.
Is there anyone over the age of 10 not on that list?

I wasn't even that old when I first had issues with the day. I was maybe 7 or 8 when my Dad bought corsages for both me and mom to wear to church. I refused to wear mine because it made zero sense - I wasn't a mother. I explained this to my mom (who for some reason was stuck with talking me into wearing the stupid thing, even though she's not the idiot who bought it), and she shouted, "You're a future mother of America."

I has barely reached the age of reason, yet this was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. I've probably heard stupider things since then (thanks, Fox News!) but this is still up there. 

Kudos to my mom for such a remarkable achievement.

Of course, this is not an uncommon sentiment. Yet, a big chunk of feminism can be summed up thus:

Yes, the ability to gestate a human being is neato. But we can do other stuff too. Some of that stuff is even more important or impressive than baby making.

Mother's Day is a homage to heteronormativity. It's this one fucking day where we're supposed to give hardworking moms a break and honor them for ruining their lives. When they wouldn't have to work so hard if their husbands turned off the fucking game and did some housework or childcare. Or if it were more common for single parents to live together Kate and Allie style, so they could share the work. Or if we got some paid maternity/paternity leave and subsidized day care.

But until then, we'll just have to settle for greeting cards and feeling bad because we're not Claire Huxtable.


  1. My 22, 19 and 15 year old daughters asked me; " what are we doing for mom for mother's day?"
    My response; "I don't know, she's not my mother"

  2. Thank you. My (wonderful) mom died when I was 18. This stupid fucking holiday pains me every year. It's cruel. Two years ago, many of my coworkers were pregnant and those who weren't were already mothers, so my boss said to me, "Hey, you're the only person in this office who doesn't have any connection to motherhood." Why would you say something like that?!

    1. Because some people are clueless jerks. Ugh!

    2. He did not think before speaking of course. I hope you read my story. I was 18 & gave up my only daughter. I see this as another connection if even to fill a fraction of this void with words on a screen. Me the mom
      You the daughter

  3. I lose Mother's Day, because my mil had breast cancer and the race for the cure is on Mother's Day, so we always go to that. Except, I didn't go this year because I'm too pregnant to waddle around for that long. My mil asked me if my daughter, Aly, was still going even if I didn't. I told her no, because she was going to stay home with me, since it was Mother's Day. That night, she called my husband and asked if Aly was going (because apparently, me saying it wasn't enough). He told her no, that he couldn't take her away from her M
    OM on Mother's Day; to which my mil replied "why not?!?" True story.

  4. My Mother manipulated me into giving my child up for adoption because I was not married and just eighteen... Hoping only that "Mother knows best."
    Aunt*(whom I once adored)
    her sister (faf) assumed position. After promising that I would still be in the picture
    like we're one big family.
    BTW they lived across the country. No worries for a
    few short years.

    Oh how they turned when moving back HOME=-O playing us like pawns on a chess board. I tried, cried and begged to be a part of this and was push away, lied to or whatever the could do to keep us apart. She was brainwashed that I am not a good person.
    Yeah, VERY afraid BUT absolutely NOT ABORTING my baby. I hid MY pregnancy so her soul could join in this crazy world. Truly, I only wish I had known my strength enough to tell them to back off and let me think this through.
    My loving Grandma had the answer. I fucked up and extreme heartache is still intact. It is my love and definitely a higher power that willed this life to be.
    She told me recently that I don't deserve to know her even though she realizes that I wasn't the bad guy, evil doer but maybe scape goat.
    It doesn't always feel right praising my Mom, but at least SHE apologized to me for how she had treated ME for decades.
    Just once, I would love to know how it feels to get a flower, a sweet smile, hug or
    possibly.... I LOVE YOU.
    Suicide has sounded less painful time after time but Don't worry,
    I've had enough therapy and have no choice but to change my perception.... I just THANK Mother Earth, praise my animals and those who actually do enjoy my company.
    Of those that choose not to see or know my heart, I feel that's quite sad.
    I have only one main purpose in this world. LOVE
    I was told a few decades ago in AZ that
    I gave up my child to serve the world.
    This comes naturally but can be intense.
    I think we ALL forget why we're here at times.
    Thanks for listening
    If I could I would give you a hug. I know that I could to:-(
    Let's go camping by a river in the mountains!


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