Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Why Is Everything So Fucking Hard?

Making my own dye from berries
would've been easier.
So a few weeks ago, I realized that it was time to dye my hair because the roots were so long that I could finally get a good look at what my natural hair color is now. It's that gunmetal gray the cool kids are deliberately dying their hair these days, so I wondered if I should just dye it gray and go with it, but then I remembered that I'm 43 and no one will think my gray hair is trendy.

I'm saving money at the moment, and salon chemicals would probably give me a migraine, so I stayed with my usual home dye.


I looked for my specific shade of red in the drug store near me, and it wasn't there.

Nor was it in the second closest drug store. 

Or the third.

So I spent half an hour online looking for someplace that had both my hair dye and one other thing I needed. I didn't want to buy from Amazon because of the whole Hachette thing (in which they screw over authors while claiming that they're looking out for authors). It took me so long to find a place that I started to think that my specific shade was being discontinued.

Two days later, they e-mailed to say that both things were out of stock.

So I placed an order with Amazon. I switched to the shade I settled on last time when I couldn't find what I wanted. This one looks better thanks to an added potion that stains like a motherfucker. I may never get the stain out of the bathroom sink.

The order came, but it smelled chemically. I opened it, and everything seemed to be intact. I put it in the guest room where I don't go so that it wouldn't give me migraines.

Then I waited two weeks because I had a stye and couldn't wear my contacts and wasn't about to dye my hair while wearing glasses or flying blind.

Finally, finally! I was ready to dye my hair.

And discovered that the little plastic bubble of glaze (that makes the color look shiny and makes the whole thing less stinky so I can use it without getting a migraine) had ripped open and spilled all over everything. And was now empty.

The smell and the frustration gave me the start of a migraine, which pissed me off even more because I had a party to go to that night and now I had no hope of going because pain.

I took out some of this frustration on Amazon customer service who I had to call because hair dye is considered a hazardous material and you can't just mail it back or request a refund or replacement online.

They sent it rush shipping so that it would arrive two days later.

I saw the UPS truck parked outside my building on the appointed morning and saw the delivery guy take packages into my building. Yet he didn't buzz my apartment or knock on the door.

Online tracking verified that he had delivered my package into the package room which no one can actually get into. (It's the porter's job to hang out in the lobby as a part time doorman and give people their packages. Our porter has terminal brain cancer, so he's not doing that now. The management company hasn't brought in someone to take care of that duty, so we have to go to the super's apartment during specific hours when he's not actually there. So it can take weeks to get a package.)

I called the management company thinking that the super's assistant (who isn't quite up to being the new porter, but works around the building) had intercepted the delivery guy. But the online tracking included the name of the person who signed it, and it was the porter. (The management company also told me that the super is supposed to call people when they have a package, which he doesn't do.)

So the UPS guy bothered the guy who's dying. And doesn't need to be bothered with my hair dye delivery. So I complained to UPS because if the delivery guy knew where the porter lives, then he should also know that he's not on the job and should be left the fuck alone. Other UPS guys come to the individual apartments, so what was this guy's problem?

So His Awesomeness retrieved the package when he got home from work. 
The next morning I was finally able to dye my hair.

And got a migraine anyway.


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