Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Marital Discussion: I Could Be Worse

This is how humid I need the bedroom to be.
The Setup, Part 1: His Awesomeness and I watched a silent film called Sunrise (available on You Tube in its entirety), in which a wicked city woman* tempts a farmer to kill his wife so he can run off to the big city with her. He starts to try to kill her, but hesitates because he realizes what a shitty thing he's doing. She escapes and jumps onto a tram (not screaming for help, because women didn't do that in the 20s). He catches the tram too and rides with her to the city. He's all, "I'm sorry, I'm not gonna kill ya" and she's all weeping and trying to get away. He buys them a big plate of sandwiches, but this does not placate her. They see a bride entering a church and go in. During the ceremony, the minister tells the groom that he has to keep his wife safe, which is the exact opposite of trying to kill her. He starts sobbing in remorse and she forgives him and they spend a wondrous day in the city. It's like him trying to kill her is the best thing that ever happened to their marriage.**

The Setup, Part 2: The same day, I had completed the annual cleaning of the humidifier, but hadn't reassembled it. HA discovered it as he was getting ready for bed, and therefore had to fill and carry 2 big water tanks into the bedroom for me, which is way more exertion than anyone heading off to dreamland should be getting.

Me: I'm the worst. That's the worst thing I've ever done to you.

Him: No, it isn't.

Me: Um, what have I done to you that's worse? 

Him: I can't think of anything. I just mean that there are worse things you could do.

Me: Like try to murder you so I could run off with a wicked city woman?

Him: Exactly.

Me: Or is that the best thing I could do? It seemed to work out pretty well in the movie.

Him: Let's not do that.

*AAA Wicked City Women is totally the name of an escort service in my old neighborhood. Just one of the many crazy things you learn volunteering on an ambulance.

**Though at one point during their wondrous day in the city, she wants to dance and getting him to dance requires her asking him 3 times and the encouragement of everyone else in the ballroom. Dude, seriously. You just fucking tried to kill your wife. Dance with her the first time she asks. What the fuck is up with men who won't dance? Don't they see that refusing to dance makes them look worse than their terrible dancing? That is such a pet peeve of mine.

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