Friday, September 18, 2015

Not My Day

Some days, I wish I could pop my eyes out,
 rinse them, then pop them back in.
This is one of those posts that I would ordinarily title "Why Is Everything So Fucking Hard?" But I'm a little disturbed at the high traffic those posts get. Do people really Google "fucking hard" when searching for porn? I can't even imagine how many dirty search terms I'd go through before landing on that one.

Anyway, I'm going to stop calling posts that because I don't want to attract a lot of disappointed readers who are just going to leave the place sticky.

OK, so.

This week, I had/have a medical appointment every day. EFT (I'm working with an actual practitioner/coach), reflexology massage, chiropractor, neurologist, pain management doc. It's a lot of leaving the house for someone as sickly as me. But I've been powering through them. Until Thursday.

I overslept a bit, panicked and then calmed down when I remember what day it was and that I didn't have to leave the house until after lunch. Things went smoothly-ish until around 11am when I realized that I was really sweaty. Either I just needed to put the fan on or I was having a hot flash. Joy.

Then I was so shaky that I didn't want to stand up and shower, even though the sweatiness made a shower quite appealing. So I did some work for one of my clients and finished with just enough time to shower, have lunch and leave for the neurologist on time, allowing an extra fifteen minutes of travel time because of subway construction.

If we're Facebook friends, you know what's coming next.

I put some body wash in my hands rubbed them together to make some lather to wash my face. I must have been lathering especially vigorously since something got in my eye. I figured it was some soap, and carried on.

But no. It was a wee tiny jojoba bead. I don't know what that it, but it's in my body wash. Which I only bought because the equivalent bar soap was out of stock for a couple of weeks. Because nothing is ever easy.

This wasn't my first rodeo, so I let my eye tear up in th hopes of washing it out. Then I pulled my upper lash over the lower like I learned from Aquaman in one of the PSA kickers on Justice League. Then I tried to find the speck and remove it with a moistened Q-Tip. Then, I did the eye wash thing by pouring a cup of water over my by now very irritated eyeball.

I paused to dry my face to make it easier to hold my eyelids open while pouring more water when I heard the loudest housefly ever. Then I saw the largest housefly ever. So I put my glasses on and saw that it was a bee. Or maybe a hornet. 

I actually waved the giant housefly away from my head, so I really dodged a bullet there. Some things do go my way. Except that now I had to move out because there was a hornet or bee in the bathroom.

It proceeded to fly into one of the light fixtures where it got stuck and died. Or flew out the window. I didn't stay for that part.

Time was getting tight, so I got dressed and made a sandwich for my lunch. While my afternoon tea was steeping, I decided to try the eye wash thing again. The flying stingy thing was nowhere to be seen, but my eyeball washing was unsuccessful. 

I had to stop rushing and face reality. So I called my eye doctor to make an emergency appointment. Then I called the neurologist to reschedule the appointment before they closed for lunch at OMG, it's almost 1pm and I have to leave for the eye doctor soon.

The neurologist's office put me on hold, so I ate my sandwich and drank my tea. Because multitasking. After I'd been on hold for 17 minutes, I hung up and called again and reschedule the appointment for a month from now. Which, fine. It's not urgent. It's not like he's been able to help my migraines anyway.

I got myself together and rushed to the subway station. I went straight to the platform heading away from my eye doctor (because construction) without actually looking to see if the other platform was closed (as in, blocked off by an impenetrable pink ribbon). When I got down to the platform, I looked across the tracks and saw that the other platform was empty, but so was the platform I was on. I'd just missed a train. Because of course I did.

The eye doctor checked my eye, but couldn't find anything in it. I had managed to wash it out after all, but my eye was so irritated that it still felt like there was a grain of sand (or a jojoba bead) in it. He gave me some moisturizing eye drops and reassured me that it was good I came in because leaving a speck in your eye just waiting for it to work its way out is a good way to really mess up your eye.

Afterwards, I stopped by the buffalo wing joint near the subway to pick up some wings for a consoling afternoon snack.

I did some more work, just enough to meet my deadlines and then spent the rest of the day on the couch with the Gilmore Girls because sometimes you have to admit that you just need to wait for a do-over in the morning.

No comments:

Post a Comment

All the cool kids are commenting. Give it a try, it's fun!