Friday, January 16, 2015

Happy Otherversary

I just got an email from Fitbit telling me my most and least active days least year. Which, I really don't care about. I got the fucking thing to help me gradually increase my activity level and not overdo it because too much exercise can trigger a migraine. I'm really trying not to pay attention to the stats because I'll get crazy and overdo it just to reach a round number.

But I looked up the most active day in my 5 year journal to see what I was doing that day. It was the 11-year anniversary of HA and me becoming a couple. Which you'd think I'd remember from the date, but apparently we're an old married couple so not so much.

Our dating anniversary (aka, what was "our anniversary" before we got married) comes a couple of weeks after our wedding anniversary, but we still celebrate it. We didn't try to schedule the wedding closer to our existing anniversary because it was too close to Thanksgiving, which is not entirely a coincidence. 

You see, HA went on a date and I drank and talked way too much, because nerves. He did not feel the love. But we became friends, and a few months later it seemed like we'd been doing a lot of stuff together, so I invited him to Thanksgiving with my family. Not to trick him into meeting them, but to have someone to keep me company while my family drove me crazy. (And don't even, Mom. You know what I'm talking about.)

So I invited him to Thanksgiving by e-mail, and he replied that he had a rule about never going to someone's family occasions unless they were engaged. No joke - his parents forbade him & his brother from inviting girlfriends to stuff because it ruined the pictures and videos to have random exes in them. Going to the girlfriend's house and ruining her family's pictures was allowed, so HA was incorrectly invoking the rule, but it gave me the opening I'd been looking for since all that hanging out together seemed to be leading to something more, and it was driving me crazy thinking that it was all in my head.

So we go out to dinner every year on our Otherversary, and I make HA retell the story of how we got together from his point of view so I feel like he's here voluntarily. But for some reason (probably all the fucking migraines), we totally forgot about it last year.

We did a lot of walking that day because I was having a good day and we decided to do a bunch of errands. We dropped off some of my old work clothes to Dress for Success, then walked past the restaurant where we usually go for our Otherversary. At which point, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and exclaimed, "It's our anniversary!"

Married people are the worst!

So we went shopping like we'd planned, and had an early dinner at our usual restaurant. Which had changed their menu from BBQ to Southern which was a massive disappointment and we'll be trying someplace else next time.

Menus changes, but love endures. Or something.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Marital Discussion - Supermarket

This kid is paying way more attention than our cashier.
The Keyfood was super crowded. The cashier was rushing through checkout, not giving the bag guy enough time to finish bagging one order before she started scanning more stuff and shoving it at him. 

Maybe she was in the zone. Maybe she hated the bag guy and refused to help him bag. Dunno, but I stopped her when she started on our order. 

Which is when the bag guy discovered that the customer ahead of us had left his cookies because of the chaos. The bag guy ran after the guy and HA bagged our stuff. I swiped my credit card and then waited for the cashier to enter the total or whatever goes on when the thing says Wait for Cashier because she'd completely stopped paying attention to what was going on.

Maybe she was pissed off at me now, or maybe something really interesting was going on across the room or maybe she was just over everything that her job involves. (There was a sign on each cash register that said "No cell phones at work." Is the manager an asshole? Are the cashiers really such jerks that they need a sign in their face reminding them of basic rules?  All of this is to say that I feel this woman's pain, but fuck almighty, it was hot and crowded and come on, lady just focus.)

When we left the store, I bitched to HA about how she zoned out mid transaction. 

Him: People are the worst. 

Me: Yeah, I hate people. 

Him: That's why I don't return their calls. 

Me: That's why I have them blocked on Facebook. Wait, why would I go on Facebook when I hate people?

Him: Excellent Question
Me: I'm there for the mahjong.* 

*I really enjoy playing mahjong solitaire. The social versions have all these different layouts but they want to make it hard and frustrating to make me buy boosters, so they add a time limit. I don't care about beating a time limit. I just wanna play mahjong solitaire. The time limit stresses me out when I'm just trying to relax. It bugs me, but the predominant business model will change again soon enough.

Also, I don't like to use boosters because it feels like cheating. I'm one of those lunatics who has to prove to themselves that they can do it the hard way. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Notes From the Road

I just got back from visiting the in-laws in the great Midwest. Since plane travel is so ludicrous these days, I had many thoughts that I wanted to tweet. But I didn't because you're not supposed to advertise that you're out of town because burglars.

Not that I think anyone is stalking me online just waiting for their chance to steal our stuff. But if someone had broken in, and I'd live tweeted the security line at the airport, I would've felt like an idiot.

So I just saved all my witty (and not-so-witty) observations for a blog post.

Because why the fuck not? It took my mind off the claustrophobia.

- Got a whole can of soda on the first flight. The low cost of gas, maybe? Though we didn't get the whole can on the second, shorter flight. The mystery continues.

- I'm considering buying a seatbelt extender so I don't have to deal with the flight attendant's hushed tones as she hands it to me, as if there's something shameful about it. I didn't design airplane seatbelts to be too short to fit the largest person who can safely sit in a seat, so what do I have to be embarrassed about?

- Seriously, who designs airplane seats? Or tests them. We took 2 planes. On plane number one I needed a seatbelt extender, but I could comfortably lower the tray table even when the guy in front of me reclined his seat. On plane number two I didn't need a seatbelt extender and the seats were wider than on the other plane, yet there was no way in the unfriendly skies that I was going to be able to lower the tray table. If only it had been a little smaller. If only some designer had realized that they don't feed us anymore so we don't need big tray tables.

- You know how people play video games on the subway with the sound turned on? Because they're the only people on the planet who actually exist or some shit. Well, someone did it on the plane. Either they stopped once we took off or the roar of the engines drowned out the noise. I don't care if it's a kid. Momma needs to mute that shit.

- I found myself getting annoyed at a French family ahead of us in security because they were a bit lost with the whole thing and didn't speak English, and so they had trouble following instructions. Of course, American air travel security rules are cray cray, so it makes perfect sense that people from the rest of the world are unfamiliar with the subtleties of the cray cray, such as which bags go in a bin and which don't.

- Hey, car rental desk guy, I totally understand your need to take your break after dealing with a family of 5, none of whom seem to understand anything about renting cars and only one of which spoke English, but the three people on line who witnessed the whole thing could really use more than one person working the desk. Couldn't you have helped just one person as a palate cleanser?

- His Awesomeness coined a phrase for non-New Yorkers - Floyim. (Derived from goyim, of course) because they live in flyover states. As in, "Floyim sure have nice supermarkets. You can actually get two whole shopping carts down each aisle."

- If a hotel has an indoor water slide, everything else about the hotel will suck. Because people with kids will put up with a lot in exchange for an indoor water slide. 


- I expected our apartment to feel tiny and cramped in comparison to every place we'd been in the past week. But after the plane trip, our apartment seems giant.