Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Rap Battle

I have been angrily rapped at. As a forty-four-year-old white woman, this is not something I ever expected to happen. Because - and please correct me if I'm mistaken - rap battles only happen a) on stage, B) in movies, and c) between rappers looking to show off their skills. 

I dunno. Maybe youthful hooligans break out into rap battles all the time and I'm just really out of touch.

But, like professional football and high-heeled shoes, it has nothing to do with me.

Or so I thought.

I live a block and a half from the subway station, but one of those blocks is frequented by chipper youths with clipboards soliciting donations for Greenpeace or whatever. I always blow right past them. Today, there were 2 non-Greenpeace guys in my way. One stopped me (or tried to) and said it was for their basketball team. Which is code for, "This is a total scam."

I said, "I'm late for a doctor's appointment." Which was the god's honest truth.

This young man (tall, skinny, wearing a backwards baseball cap and earbuds in his ears) starts rapping about the white bitch who doesn't help out n-words.

Because that's a completely normal reaction that people have all the time.

Me being me, I turned around and screamed, "Excuse you?"

He ignored me and continued rapping loudly about white bitches. As one does.

Now, in a perfect world, I would've started rapping about assholes who think they're entitled to my time and money. In the world we actually live in, that's nowhere near my skill set. I repeated the Excuse you and finally went on my way because (to quote Samantha Bee) you can't fact check bluster. 

I ended up taking a Lyft home from the doctor because I was dunzo with human beings.

I then spent almost 2 hours lying flat on the couch scrolling through Twitter because what the ever loving fuck?! Who does that? Who raps angrily about someone while refusing to look at them? Was he passive aggressively challenging me to a rap battle? Is that a thing?

What scammer scares off other marks like that? High school basketball coaches are all about making their players wear suits and teaching them sportsmanship. So there's no way this asshole was legit.

My complete helplessness in this situation is the worst part. I stood up for myself and he acted like I wasn't there and he was rapping about a completely different white bitch. I would've been justified in calling the cops, but they can get all Yosemite Sam around African-Americans. Which means that I had to put the bad guy's safety before my own. 

Not that I felt physically threatened, but I do have the right to live without street harassment. Even new and unusual forms of street harassment. But since I didn't think he deserved to die for what he was doing, I had to just take it.

I absolutely feel that black lives matter more than white feelings. I feel just as strongly that women don't owe anyone their time or attention. I just wish I could call the cops and know they won't overreact.

I'll leave you with this. In the Lyft, I tweeted a song parody of Up With People.